A New Beginning

With the New Year starting, I decided to start something that I've been meaning to do for a little while now.  Truth be told, I originally wanted to write a book, but the mental model of what I wanted to do started to shift as of late.  I wanted something more fluid.  Something that would continuously grow and evolve into what will be an extension of myself.  This has also taken root more so recently since I've had a lot more on my mind.  This blog will serve as an honest expression of who I am and what I strive to become.

The first thing I suppose I should do is introduce myself to you.  There have been a few events in my life that have formed who I am and will continue to mold who I will be in the future.  While I won't go into detail about them, here are the formative events of my life (for better and for worse) that provide the foundation of my lens on the world:

• Being a child of divorce

• Surviving cancer

• Marrying the woman I love

• Increasing my emotional intelligence

• Practicing Martial Arts on a sustainable lifestyle

While my life has been interesting to say the least, I would not change any of it.  All my pain and happiness molded my character into what it is today.  Every smile, every tear, and each ounce of sadness, rage, and unadulterated joy I feel is reassuring proof that I still have my humanity despite my experiences.  

Having my parents divorce when they did was a bittersweet event in my life.  I lost what I considered home at the time, but at least the fighting would stop.  

Next was being diagnosed with cancer as a teenager.  That was an adventure to say the least.  At a time when all my peers were finding their own identity, I was constantly fighting to survive so I could see my next birthday.  The mental, emotional and physical scars will be with me for the rest of my life.  I have been faced with my own mortality and will not be afraid when it is my time to rest many decades from now.  Leukemia has become a part of my identity that I look towards with both a raging hatred beyond comprehension, as well as an appreciation that I hold close to my heart.  Having a terminal illness taught me many life lessons.  I try not to sweat the small stuff.  I appreciate good vibes wherever they come from and try to find the silver lining of opportunity in every bad situation.  I grit my teeth and clench my fist when there is pain, and fight through it because I know that I've felt worse things in my life.  I try my best to express gratitude for everything that I have and try to show love to people when I can.

If having cancer is the worst experience life has to offer, then marrying my other half is easily the best.  I know that had it not been for Nubian Queen, I would not be the man I am today.  Hell, I might not even have been a man by my own standards.  Just some man-boy child with no accountability or maturity.  Having my wife in my corner at all times and being able to share my aspirations, fears, quirks, (many ) random moments of stupidity, and everything that I am is truly what allows me to be sane and happy with life.  And she's always so good at calling me out on my crap, should I ever forget.  If cancer knocked me down and taught me true rage, hate, and sadness, then it was marriage that lifted me up to experience love, happiness, and compassion.  

Luckily for me, through my Master's program of Human Resources Education, I was able to comprehend and articulate all these emotions.  My MS was basically a consulting class where we learned to work as partners with our client to increase their capacity, not only in a professional sense, but also on a personal level as well.  This can only be done when we look within ourselves and strengthen what is solid, while at the same time develop that which is weak.  

Calling myself out on my own bullshit was an interesting experience to say the least.  Luckily, some life lessons actually stuck with me (despite all my denseness) and I am able to be more authentic in life.  Everything I am in the world comes directly from my soul (with some minor filtering to meet basic societal standards of course).  That is something that I will always be grateful for.  

The final piece to the Piya Tony puzzle is that I am now able to practice Martial Arts uninterrupted.  I always have and always will love Muay Thai.  Starting in 2012 I also expanded my resume to include Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and (Pekiti Tirsia) Kali.  Allow me to share with you one of my life's main philosophies: Every person must be allowed to express themselves in whatever way speaks to their soul (so long as no one is harmed in the process).  While I am tone deaf (to my music-loving wife's frustration), lack all artistic ability (to my artist mom's disappointment), and haven't an ounce of financial investing inclination (to my investor dad's wonderment), I am still able to appreciate all mediums of self-expression and passion.  Whether it is listening to a classical concert with Shortcake, going to karaoke with Dollface, listening to Pinoy play his piano, observing as Black Magic transforms the group dynamic of an awkward get-together to a laughing homogeneous group, watching my Momma do artsy stuff that is professional grade, or my listening to my Dad (try to) explain stocks and bonds to me, I can still appreciate it.  

Now while I do appreciate all of this, I have a different medium that my soul communicates through.  My view is that if something is broken, hit it!  If you didn't fix it, hit it harder!  I can be a blunderbuss at times, and I secretly love it when my wife calls me a brute.  The fact that my wife has joined me in training has also made life so much more awesome.

Back to my point, it is through combat sports where I feel alive.  I'm clumsy at best and my Martial Arts journey is only just beginning.  And I love every. second. of. it.  Even when I think I have a handle on something, a new experience happens in the next training session that makes me feel like I'm 15 again and it's day one all over.  I'm left with new lessons and glorious injuries that I hold as badges of honor (thanks Primate).  It is through the sweat, pain, and fatigue of training that I am at my most honest.  No pretense, no games, no politics, no passive-aggressiveness, no excuses, no hesitation, and no holding back.  Everything I am and everything I want to become is exuded when I train.  This October will be the mark where I will have officially been a cancer patient just as long as I have been healthy (this year I turn 30 and I was diagnosed at 15).  Training in Martial Arts makes me feel like I am in control of my life, my health, and my cancer - instead of the other way around.

When I'm training I forget about the hospital visits, the blood tests, the inpatient stays, the surgeries, the transfusions, the pain, the drugs, the weakness, the sickness, the sadness, the rage, and the friends I lost.
I've spent my entire conscious life trying to find out what it means to be strong.  With enough years of work, perhaps one day I'll get my answer.  But to be honest, I'm not sure I'll ever to find my answer.  My journey is always evolving and, to be honest, the fun is only starting for me  :)   When I train, I feel true. When I train, I am happy. When I train, I am not just surviving.  I am thriving.

Well, there you have it.  That's me in a nutshell, for better and for worse.  I will make this blog as sincere as possible while doing what I can to make your day a little better, even if it's only marginally.  With everything that happens in life, we all could use a little help in keeping our faith in humanity.  I will do what I can in this blog to at least have you leave happy.

And if nothing else, here is your take away:

• Find whatever method it is that allows you to express yourself in the most authentic way possible.  Choose your words and actions carefully, but never stifle your soul.

• Be grateful for everything you have.  You know you've had worse times your life.  There is a younger version of you in the past that would kill to be where you are now and to have your current problems.

• Send out good vibes to the world in any way you can.  You'll end up making someone's day.  Who knows - maybe it'll even be your own.

Have A Great Weekend Everyone & Stay Strong