Be Proud of Your Life

As I look back over my life, I can't help but reflect on all the good times.  Personally, my birthday has always been the time of year where I really give thanks for everything I have in life, as opposed to Thanksgiving where I just think of eating till I pass out.

This birthday though is a little different than any other. This year I turn 30 years old. Hitting a milestone like this has me reflecting on more than just the past 12 months.  There's been moments where I could have acted better, but luckily there were a lot more where I can proudly say, "That was me. I did that." 



Since high school, I've tried to make it a point to not regret my actions or words. The way I always thought of it, if I can minimize my weaknesses in my character, it'll be that much easier for me to put resources towards developing my strengths. And while it is a constant work in progress, I'm happy to say that I like the direction I'm heading in.   Everything that I've done in the past and all my decisions now give me confidence that I will keep on making the right choices in the future.

I try to be consistent in how I lead my life. I work towards being the person I hope to be one day. I like being a nice guy because sometimes a mindless, but friendly, gesture can brighten someone's day, and it makes me feel good to have helped that happen. I want lead a life where my kids will say to me one day, "Wow daddy, you're strong." My hope is that if they grow up seeing me in that light, that they will imitate my good habits and prevent their own health issues. I fight to be the husband that my wife deserves because she has made me, not just a better man, but a better human being overall, in ways I know I couldn't have done on my own. That and the fact that she does so damn much for us that I figured it's only fair to return the favor. And to my adversaries, I hope to be someone that warrants respect. If you're going to best me, know that you must truly earn it, because i'm fighting to the very end.

Some of the more, shall we say, regrettable moments in my life have proven to be the most valuable learning opportunities.  There have been a few occasions where Donysa has had to physically guide and help carry me home, after I've had a few too many drinks.  Through the pain, shame, and thorough discussion afterwards, I have learned about restraint and self-control.  Just like everyone else, I have said and done many things in social situations that I look back on and kind of do a cry/laugh combo as I relive the moment. Those moments have taught me that if you cannot offer anything productive to the conversation, nor can you allow yourself to think before speaking or doing something, it is best to stay quiet.  For if you try to enter the spotlight of a conversation in desperation, others begin to question your status on the mental retardation scale.  One of the more important lessons I have learned that takes constant work though, is to let go of your ego.  Trying to make a lot of noise to show that you're the best of anything, so that other people gossip about you, is complete bullshit.  You want to prove that you're good?  Shut up and show me.  If I'm wrong, I'll admit it.  It may be through gritted teeth, but you'll hear it from my lips.  I know better than to put on a show that is out of context.  The first thing I try to establish is the parameters of my integrity and then my knowledge.  Know where I stand as a person, and we can start to have a conversation from there.  Trust me, I've done my fair share of chest puffing and it's humiliating to think back.  If I can help it, I'll introduce myself and as we communicate, the labels you place on me will be close to how I hope to be seen.

As I think of how I can constantly grow as a person, I try to always remember my own past so I stay grounded to my foundation.  What am I proud of?  What goes on my resume of life?  What are the moments I should be reliving in my head to steady my spirit and guide my efforts towards enlightenment?

I am proud to say, without apology nor hesitation, that I

• Practice Muay Thai
• Practice Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
• Practice Kali
• Enjoy Blacksmithing
• Own my own Home
• Make an Awesome Chili
• Enjoy Single Malt Scotches Neat 
• (esp when paired w/a Cuban Cigar)
• Have Tattoos
• Married the Love of my Life
• Survived Cancer
• Love the Life I am Living

I try to live my life so that when I tell the story of my life to others, while they may disagree with some points, I can still hold my head high and stand behind my decisions and actions.  I hope that when we talk, you will be able to do the same.

Enjoy Your Sunday Everyone & Stay Strong

If you're not having fun, then what's the point?

I've been thinking and reflecting lately about where my current path in life has taken me.  And I have to say that I am much happier, both in terms of scope and depth.

It's important to enjoy life to the fullest extent possible.  You should be able to look back on your life and remember all the good times.  The times in your life where you smiled so hard your cheeks hurt.  Those moments of your life where you laughed so hard you were incoherent, couldn't breathe and almost peed your pants.  And for some of you, you may have actually peed your pants.  Even better!  When you look back at the highlights of your life, you should be reliving the joy and good times all over again.

Yes, it's always easier to see the negative side of a situation or take life too seriously.  Some of us happen to do it more often than others.  And while they are indeed necessary and do serve a purpose in life, never forget the flip side to that coin.

Enjoying life and being happy can mean a world of difference from the alternative.  It is tough enough sometimes to put on a pretty face when the world is beating down on your spirit.  It can be oppressing to try to look normal and show that nothing is wrong.  But it's in these instances where you can find salvation in your passion.  It's not a matter of if you possess a passion, but more so of if you have found it yet.  

Now, having superficial fun and distracting your senses is fine and serves a purpose, too.  Sometimes they are warranted, but it is never a permanent solution to life's problems.  You need to go beyond that.  There is enough in this world to entertain you and feed your thirst for vices.  I'm not here to serve that purpose.  Well, at least not on this blog.  There's another website of mine where you have to pay to see me dress up and dance, but we'll talk about that another time.

What I hope that you are able to find in this world is your true passion.  Notice I said "your" passion.

Finding solace from another warm body or only being happy when you are surrounded by the empty noise of a crowd is not passion.  I'm talking about finding your personal purpose in life that not only makes your heart race but also encompasses you in moments of unconditional joy, and gives you peace in times of unrelenting hell.  Your passion cannot be a person. People are flawed just as they are great. People assume the role of a hero who heals, educates, and fights for those that cannot fight for themselves.  It can be these same people that commit the most atrocious of crimes that brings out the despair and rage out of others.

For an example of passion, look around you.  Doctors and lawyers work disgustingly long hours, have insane amounts of stress, and have a work-life balance that I do not envy (to put it lightly).  Teachers and youth counselors deal with youth that (sometimes) have too much energy in their bodies, not enough attention in their minds, and a sense of entitlement that makes me want to shake the hell out of them on the street.  To top it off, teachers and counselors are paid crap, are under appreciated, and they don't even come close to having the status they deserve.  The point is, we wouldn't have these professions if people didn't have a passion for it.  There's always perks to having a hefty paycheck or having a summer off from professional responsibilities.  But could you deal with all of the crap too?  I couldn't.  

In what field would I be willing to take such similar punishment you ask?  Good question reader.  I'm glad you asked.  I love combat sports.  The martial arts give me a sense of happiness that cannot be compared or conveyed adequately with words.  Every sensation of being punched, kicked, kneed, grabbed, choked, crushed, slammed, thrown, pushed, pulled, yanked, tossed, or stabbed (with practice weapons of course), is the most basic syntax that I understand, aside from feeding.  And every response that I have towards my training partners, is simply my way of trying to continue the dialogue (through the forceful application of my body).  When I'm training, I'm fully engaged and trying to absorb everything being taught to me.  When I'm taking the train home, I meditate on what I can do better next time (in addition to counting my lovely bruises, scrapes, bumps, and cuts).  When I'm laying in bed, I think about what the next day will bring so I can have fun all over again.  Some people may consider this crazy.  I realize where they're coming from and it's OK.

In fact, I think that it's  a good thing.  A little insanity is good.  Follow me for a second.  The last time you were at your happiest, regardless of the source (discounting drugs), what was going through your mind?  Can you remember it?  Can you adequately put the experience into words?  Can you do it justice?  With time, I'm sure you can.  But in the moment, were you really thinking about it?  My guess is no.  You just felt alive and that all is right with the world.  Rationality and emotion are a great combination but don't always work in sync.  Sometimes you experience something that makes you ecstatic without explanation or hesitation.  Why?  Because it is your passion.  Because it is your obsession.  Because you find it fun and it makes you happy.  Because you've finally found the language of your soul.  

For me, all my hours spent training - I do it because it's fun for me.  Even when I'm doing my worst, I'm still having an awesome ride.  I train because I love myself and want to communicate to others in the most authentic way I know how.  On top of that, it is the gift that keeps on giving.  Training makes me happy, which helps me to be the nice guy that you all have come to know and love so much, which continues to help you become happier and pay it forward to everyone else.  See how awesome it all is?

Listen, you're going to be here for a while.  Might as well enjoy the ride.  Find your passion and you find yourself.  Have fun with your life.

Have A Great Weekend Everyone & Stay Strong

A New Beginning

With the New Year starting, I decided to start something that I've been meaning to do for a little while now.  Truth be told, I originally wanted to write a book, but the mental model of what I wanted to do started to shift as of late.  I wanted something more fluid.  Something that would continuously grow and evolve into what will be an extension of myself.  This has also taken root more so recently since I've had a lot more on my mind.  This blog will serve as an honest expression of who I am and what I strive to become.

The first thing I suppose I should do is introduce myself to you.  There have been a few events in my life that have formed who I am and will continue to mold who I will be in the future.  While I won't go into detail about them, here are the formative events of my life (for better and for worse) that provide the foundation of my lens on the world:

• Being a child of divorce

• Surviving cancer

• Marrying the woman I love

• Increasing my emotional intelligence

• Practicing Martial Arts on a sustainable lifestyle

While my life has been interesting to say the least, I would not change any of it.  All my pain and happiness molded my character into what it is today.  Every smile, every tear, and each ounce of sadness, rage, and unadulterated joy I feel is reassuring proof that I still have my humanity despite my experiences.  

Having my parents divorce when they did was a bittersweet event in my life.  I lost what I considered home at the time, but at least the fighting would stop.  

Next was being diagnosed with cancer as a teenager.  That was an adventure to say the least.  At a time when all my peers were finding their own identity, I was constantly fighting to survive so I could see my next birthday.  The mental, emotional and physical scars will be with me for the rest of my life.  I have been faced with my own mortality and will not be afraid when it is my time to rest many decades from now.  Leukemia has become a part of my identity that I look towards with both a raging hatred beyond comprehension, as well as an appreciation that I hold close to my heart.  Having a terminal illness taught me many life lessons.  I try not to sweat the small stuff.  I appreciate good vibes wherever they come from and try to find the silver lining of opportunity in every bad situation.  I grit my teeth and clench my fist when there is pain, and fight through it because I know that I've felt worse things in my life.  I try my best to express gratitude for everything that I have and try to show love to people when I can.

If having cancer is the worst experience life has to offer, then marrying my other half is easily the best.  I know that had it not been for Nubian Queen, I would not be the man I am today.  Hell, I might not even have been a man by my own standards.  Just some man-boy child with no accountability or maturity.  Having my wife in my corner at all times and being able to share my aspirations, fears, quirks, (many ) random moments of stupidity, and everything that I am is truly what allows me to be sane and happy with life.  And she's always so good at calling me out on my crap, should I ever forget.  If cancer knocked me down and taught me true rage, hate, and sadness, then it was marriage that lifted me up to experience love, happiness, and compassion.  

Luckily for me, through my Master's program of Human Resources Education, I was able to comprehend and articulate all these emotions.  My MS was basically a consulting class where we learned to work as partners with our client to increase their capacity, not only in a professional sense, but also on a personal level as well.  This can only be done when we look within ourselves and strengthen what is solid, while at the same time develop that which is weak.  

Calling myself out on my own bullshit was an interesting experience to say the least.  Luckily, some life lessons actually stuck with me (despite all my denseness) and I am able to be more authentic in life.  Everything I am in the world comes directly from my soul (with some minor filtering to meet basic societal standards of course).  That is something that I will always be grateful for.  

The final piece to the Piya Tony puzzle is that I am now able to practice Martial Arts uninterrupted.  I always have and always will love Muay Thai.  Starting in 2012 I also expanded my resume to include Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and (Pekiti Tirsia) Kali.  Allow me to share with you one of my life's main philosophies: Every person must be allowed to express themselves in whatever way speaks to their soul (so long as no one is harmed in the process).  While I am tone deaf (to my music-loving wife's frustration), lack all artistic ability (to my artist mom's disappointment), and haven't an ounce of financial investing inclination (to my investor dad's wonderment), I am still able to appreciate all mediums of self-expression and passion.  Whether it is listening to a classical concert with Shortcake, going to karaoke with Dollface, listening to Pinoy play his piano, observing as Black Magic transforms the group dynamic of an awkward get-together to a laughing homogeneous group, watching my Momma do artsy stuff that is professional grade, or my listening to my Dad (try to) explain stocks and bonds to me, I can still appreciate it.  

Now while I do appreciate all of this, I have a different medium that my soul communicates through.  My view is that if something is broken, hit it!  If you didn't fix it, hit it harder!  I can be a blunderbuss at times, and I secretly love it when my wife calls me a brute.  The fact that my wife has joined me in training has also made life so much more awesome.

Back to my point, it is through combat sports where I feel alive.  I'm clumsy at best and my Martial Arts journey is only just beginning.  And I love every. second. of. it.  Even when I think I have a handle on something, a new experience happens in the next training session that makes me feel like I'm 15 again and it's day one all over.  I'm left with new lessons and glorious injuries that I hold as badges of honor (thanks Primate).  It is through the sweat, pain, and fatigue of training that I am at my most honest.  No pretense, no games, no politics, no passive-aggressiveness, no excuses, no hesitation, and no holding back.  Everything I am and everything I want to become is exuded when I train.  This October will be the mark where I will have officially been a cancer patient just as long as I have been healthy (this year I turn 30 and I was diagnosed at 15).  Training in Martial Arts makes me feel like I am in control of my life, my health, and my cancer - instead of the other way around.

When I'm training I forget about the hospital visits, the blood tests, the inpatient stays, the surgeries, the transfusions, the pain, the drugs, the weakness, the sickness, the sadness, the rage, and the friends I lost.
I've spent my entire conscious life trying to find out what it means to be strong.  With enough years of work, perhaps one day I'll get my answer.  But to be honest, I'm not sure I'll ever to find my answer.  My journey is always evolving and, to be honest, the fun is only starting for me  :)   When I train, I feel true. When I train, I am happy. When I train, I am not just surviving.  I am thriving.

Well, there you have it.  That's me in a nutshell, for better and for worse.  I will make this blog as sincere as possible while doing what I can to make your day a little better, even if it's only marginally.  With everything that happens in life, we all could use a little help in keeping our faith in humanity.  I will do what I can in this blog to at least have you leave happy.

And if nothing else, here is your take away:

• Find whatever method it is that allows you to express yourself in the most authentic way possible.  Choose your words and actions carefully, but never stifle your soul.

• Be grateful for everything you have.  You know you've had worse times your life.  There is a younger version of you in the past that would kill to be where you are now and to have your current problems.

• Send out good vibes to the world in any way you can.  You'll end up making someone's day.  Who knows - maybe it'll even be your own.

Have A Great Weekend Everyone & Stay Strong